Reality Check: Considering Our Care for Family

 May 19, 2017 | Jeffrey Lee

“Anyone who does not provide for their relatives, and especially for their own household, has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever,” (1Tim 5:8 NIV).

Today, I have been reading through 1 Timothy. As I was reading, I was challenged by this verse which speaks to the issue of caring for family, but more specifically, those in legitimate need within our family. In the context, Paul is instructing Timothy about proper care for widows, vulnerable family and those under the care of a household. Paul teaches that the social responsibility for caring for families is not immediately the responsibility of the government or non-profit organisations but immediate family. Also, Paul strongly makes the point that not to care for socially for relatives and members of your household, denies our Christian faith and makes us worse then and unbeliever. Wow! This again has made me stop to ponder and think more on this issue. The New American Commentary on this passage has some pointed help in understanding this passage saying, “Paul’s purpose in this verse was to reprimand those families who neglected their own needy widows. To ‘provide’ involves foreseeing and planning for the needs of dependents. Paul suggested that a Christian has a responsibility to care for all needy relatives, but especially for ‘those under his own roof.’ Those living under the roof may also be relatives, but they are more intimately a part of the family and deserving of greater care. The Christian faith requires that children honor their parents as a part of their duty (Eph 6:2). Anyone who does not provide such care has denied the faith,” (Lea & Griffin, 148).

As I ponder this subject, there are a number of issues that come to mind. In 21st Century, Western culture values individualism, individual identity, individual space and individual decision. Often, when people need assistance as a widow, orphan, disabled or elderly person, the government and non-governmental organisations have developed programs and options to help and assist people to live somewhat independent without being a burden on family. It has not always been this way. When I was a young, I can still remember visiting my Grandparents in Northern Ontario. They had to care for my elderly Great-Grandmother who had dementia, I believe. I am sure this was difficult for them and many others who have had to provide the same type of care for their families.

Certainly, churches over the centuries were trailblazers in social care. Here in the UK, years ago, churches had built almshouses and hospitals to help those who were not able to care for themselves or receive care from family, (link to hospital history below in reference list).

As I continue to ponder this issue, my thinking has led me to our living in Birmingham, UK. We live around many people who come from, or whose heritage is from Pakistan, Bangladesh and India. I have been amazed and challenged to ponder how and why many of these people live in homes with multi-generations and family. Many homes, from these cultures have grandparents living with their grown up children who have multiple children and their own spouses, all living in one or two houses side by side. Caring for family is important in these cultures and goes without saying. I met a Pakistani Christian a few years ago in whom I had an eye-opening discussion about family. I was challenge when they said to me, “People in the West don’t understand what family means in our culture (referring to her Pakistani culture).” She they asked me, “How would you feel if a family member or close friend came to your home while you were sleeping at 3:00 in the morning, needed food and a place to sleep? You would most likely tolerate this request for one, two or maybe three nights but after awhile probably get upset or annoyed that your family member or close friend was taking advantage of the situation.” She then went on to say that, “In my culture, when a person shows up, we take care of them, we feed them, we house them, no questions asked. Hospitality and social care are essential and expected.” What a challenge, I thought to myself! I had to ponder, am I truly hospitable? Would I help my family in legitimate need? 

It really made me think about my background and culture. I wonder when and how our culture had lost its strong of hospitality. This is not to say people are not in smaller way hospitable. I have been blessed to be in may homes for meals and overnight stays, for which I am very grateful. When I have traveled the more rural provinces of Canada, I have seen a stronger sense of hospitality not present in many cities. But still, I do wonder if our culture has lost a strong sense of social care and hospitality for family. Nowadays, families seem to value their autonomy and seem to have lost a sense of biblical hospitality. With all the social housing and social programs available today, our culture doesn’t need to really on family and the church as they did in centuries past, but I often wonder, in a world where there are ever increasing pressures for governments to “tighten the purse strings,” whether our culture, our families and even our churches are ready to help with the social concerns. What about the concerns of widows, orphans, homelessness, disabled and others. The challenge that Paul gives to Timothy I believe is relevant today and I believe will likely continue to be grow as financial challenges grow in society over days, months and years ahead.

A few questions that I am pondering from this text… Are we as Christian family and churches prepared to care for our most vulnerable family members? When it comes to those in need, are we prepared to consider how we can help? What can we do to help the most vulnerable in our family and society? Paul’s challenges us that not to provide care and help for family, is to deny the faith. Strong words deserving of strong contemplation.

To those who are hospitable, caring and working through helping your aged parents, those who disabilities or challenges, and so many other ways, may God bless you and give you every provision and strength you need today!

REFERENCE LIST
Lea, Thomas D., and Griffin, Hayne P. 1, 2 Timothy, Titus, vol. 34, The New American Commentary. Nashville: Broadman & Holman Publishers, 1992.

Link to some history of hospitals and almshouses in UK.  https://historicengland.org.uk/research/inclusive-heritage/disability-history/1050-1485/hospitals-and-almshouses/